checking in

this is going to be long. with no structure. 

it's about 10pm in Chapel Hill, North Carolina right now. if you guys didn't already know I'm out here producing & hosting a brand new food show. a web series. on youtube.

digital content. food. travel. being creative, being kind, being myself.... basically my dream job chapter 2.

as I'm packing up my life here for a 10 day vacation I'm reflecting on how fresh 2015 has been for me. 

march 2015 was honestly the toughest time for me. to date. I've never cried so much & I really struggled. like even went and sought professional help struggled. (got reiki, LMK if you want a post on this)

and today, I've been to places this year I couldn't imagine. I wouldn't imagine. but thats the beautiful part about life.

once you get out of your own way & start really believing in your magic, the rest is history.

now I'm not saying sit on your ass, think you're the shit & expect things to happen for you. I'm saying, work on your really fuckin' hard...and keep pushing even when you're frustrated as hell because you see no results. keep pushing when you don't even want to do it anymore because when the right opportunity comes, you'll be ready. 

I found that once I got out of my own way, things started to unfold. In the most magical ways. I couldn't tell you how many flights I've been on since June. It's been non-stop. It's been insane. I'm exhausted. I'm humbled. I'm grateful. I have the best friends & family in the entire fuckin' WORLD. 

preparation + opportunity = luck  (shouts to my girl Oprah)

i'm really hard on myself at times. I set these goals. I measure my success a certain way. and this year I learned to let go. I let go of society's definition of success and normal because I'm not normal. I mean I grew up with two immigrant asian parents. I didn't speak the english language until the age of 7. I wear dresses & sandals year round. I'm not your average girl & I should stop trying to be.

I'm me. I'm creative & relentless won't stop until I get what I set out to accomplish. 

what's the point of this post?

to stop giving a fuck, essentially. to stop living for others and do things for yourself on your own terms. who cares about "normal" & what it is to be successful. 

(like go to college, get a job, get married, have a baby, or a dog, get a house, with a fence = success) 

thats so generic. what if school isn't my thing? what if I want to live out of my backpack & not wash my hair? what if I want a garden instead of a fence? what if I want to travel the world with my lover & fuck in every place imaginable? 

I spent too much time doing x for y & that isn't how I want to spend anymore of my time. some of my friends think I'm crazy and even going through a crisis for picking up & leaving. picking up & chasing my dream. chasing this fire I feel inside of me. 

"come home, get a real job" --- my friends & parents // some friends even threw shade! 



but you know what? I've only got this one life. I'm living this for me. not them.

I'm going to do what I want because these are my experience and my memories. and to me, life is all about growing, seeing, being, relationships & truly living. everything else is in the details

I don't want to sit at a fuckin desk & have no creative control. I don't want a 9-5 just because that means I'm a successful adult. I don't give a fuck. job titles are such crap & people who measure their worth with their job titles need to get new friends or new hobbies.

let me ask you this: are you doing something that you love? something you're EXCITED about when you wake up. something you chased until sunset. something that makes you feel alive. something you can't believe you get to do each day?! 

or are you currently doing something that's mediocre & just waiting

waiting for that perfect time to quit your job and live your dreams.

well I hate to break it to you but there's never going to be a perfect time. life is always going to happen and you either live the life you want or spend time living through other people. living through other people and throwing shade. don't be that person. 

there's never going to be a perfect time to fall in love, to break someone's heart, to go on vacation, to get married, to get divorce. you can't put life on pause. 

I pinch myself when I drive to dinner each night here in north carolina. the sky is perfect, the air is fresh, I'm driving my boss's drop top sports car. I mean, grateful would be an understatement. I pinch myself that I get to travel for work. I pinch myself that I get to eat & host & make videos for a living. I pinch myself that my boss's is really fuckin cool & sort of funny (lol). I pinch myself about all the wonderful people that have showed me such kindness with their friendships & stories. I pinch myself that I'm living in North Carolina for work. I pinch myself each fuckin day.

so many people spend their time wishing and dreaming when they could be LIVING THEIR DREAM. it's a choice. I CHOOSE MY DREAM JOB. I CHOOSE TO CHASE MY DREAM. I CHOOSE TO DO WHAT I WANT. I stopped waiting until I was "ready". I was sick of waiting. I was sick of being in my own way. 

I didn't get here because I sat behind my computer. I didn't get here because I knew anybody. I didn't get here from complaining and wishing. I got here because I worked really hard on my craft and when the opportunity was right I went for it. I took a risk. I got out of my own way. I didn't listen to anyone but myself and I made this happen.

hope this little story helps any of you guys out there who's feeling a little lost. no one knows what you want more than you. listen to your soul. don't be afraid of your light. get ready to roll your sleeves up and work hard. don't listen to the outside noise. a lot of my friends don't get my vision & that's ok. 


don't waste another day.


p.s.s here's a selfie. no filter. no anything. I ended up in Chicago this year for the Food & Wine festival & it was such an incredible experience. 

I told myself I wanted to travel more this year & that's EXACTLY what I've been up to. say it, mean it, love yourself enough to do it.

( 8/30/2015 x chicago at night  // look how beautiful the bean is at night )

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